Saturday April 26 2008

Continued:

So After seeing the elk herd, Gina and I went on down the road to Jackson. And after I took several wrong turns, stopped at the post office where I mailed an envelope of black footed ferrets to Judy in CO. I don't know where my mind was that morning but I really was spacing a lot of stuff out, probably because of the appointment. We went on to the hospital and found it was head of the Oncology department Judy's birthday. There was even chocolate birthday cake. Judy got my "vitals" and then I had an hour visit with Dr. Ward. He was so sharing, and answered everything so clearly. I took along four pages of questions, but he answered every one of them in his discussion and I never even needed the list.

Basically there's not a lot of new information. I'll just tell you the important and interesting stuff. Gina went in with me and we both took notes. You can ask more questions if you want.

My tumor marker test reading is way down; 137 is normal and mine is now 23 (started at 330+ before surgery). Dr. Ward doesn't know why the tumor marker reading is so good. Because.... although the CT scans are not detecting the tumor on the head of the pancreas, it is showing the size and number of 'spots" on and throughout the liver have increased quite markedly. Despite that the liver function is quite good now. Swelling in the feet/legs/ankles that I've had off and on for some time is related to liver function.

Pancreatic cancer is very hard to detect and that is why it was so advanced before they found mine and it is considered incurable. We asked if we could see the pictures of the spots on the liver. Here is one of the most interesting things. He pulled the CT scan pictures up on the computer screen and scrolled with the mouse from the bottom of my lungs all the way down through my abdomen, showing all cross sections of the the liver and other organs. That was very amazing to see, The carcinomous spots and large tumors are throughout the liver. He just scrolled down through all my organs and we could see them very clearly.

Because I'm still strong and feeling pretty well, Dr. Ward said they need to change the treatment and recommends his Plan B - to do a stronger chemo now, 4 weeks on and 2 off. He even has a Plan C. There is a one in three chance to shrink the cancer. It may give me more time, but at this time he said I have "some months" left. The average would be 6 months, but that means some people go longer, some less. He also said "months turn into years".

Joan had asked me to check about radio ablation they are doing at UCLA. Dr. Ward said they are doing the same thing at University of Utah Huntsman Clinic, and I'm not a candidate for any of it. The tumors I have are far too advanced. You can not use those procedures when tumors are inside the liver. I appreciated all he told me, and the time spent with me - an hour. I know a lot more now than I did.

Although it is sooner or later "always" terminal it sounded like it is quite a gentle death. When you become jaundiced, then it is a matter of weeks. You just become weaker, become sleepy and eventually just don't wake up.

I said again that I'd like to stay at home, and have the Community Home Care come when it would be necessary, or even go to the nursing wing of the Senior Center if necessary because of our remoteness. Dr. Ward and Judy thought that was fine.

Dr. Ward will speak again with Dr. Kim Jones, the oncologist I saw in Utah who was so forthright and involved with all of the family, and they will call Monday with an appointment for me to begin the next stage of chemo in Jackson. He said Dr. Jones had still been working on my case all these months and had spent a lot of time trying to figure out the reason there are some many unknowns. I told him to thank her very much. How special to know someone is doing that.

When we came out of the appointment Roberta and Barbara, Pinedale friends, were there. Roberta was also to see Dr. Ward for her breast cancer checkup. Thankfully she is doing well. Judy served us all some of her birthday cake. The four of us went to lunch together at The Bunnery and had the nicest visit. Gina and I peeked in at the new Trailside Gallery location, went to Staples where I had copies made and she shopped. We went to Corral West, a western clothes store. I got two cute tops, Gina got new Wranglers. Then we stopped by that saddle shop where I bought the saddle stand and I was interested to look at the over 200 saddles they have there - many old with lots of history along with their new stock. We took Kay's paintings out to the Gallery at Wilson and then came on home. It had been snowing all the time were in Jackson and after we got out of town a ways, it quit and we had a good drive back.

Let Gina off at her house and went to get gas and groceries. Again it was blizzarding when I got out of the store and it quit soon down the road, but started up again just after I got home. Nasty tiresome stuff. I stopped for a few pictures of the new calves near the creek. The dogs ran out to meet me, and wanted to run back through the field instead of ride. I think they've been pretty bored lately laying around the house. The Cabelas order of new clothes came yesterday, the UPS truck pulled up behind me at the gate. The two blouses I bought at Corral West just match a couple of the bottoms. Will probably try everything on later to see what fits or not.

I made some shrimp with snow peas stir fry and rice last night so it only took about 10 minutes after getting the groceries put away. Actually I thought it was good that I felt like cooking something after the long day - so that is the difference of not having chemo for the last 10 days, After chemo I wouldn't have really not felt like it at all.

Joe and I talked about all the details last night. He still was concerned about how sick I would be, and I told him it just sounded mostly like it would cause diarrhea. It probably won't be much worse than what I've been through already. And that both Judy and Dr. Ward reminded me I could quit any time I wanted to. Interestingly Joe remembered that he had seen Dr. Ward as a cancer specialist in Jackson sometime after his stroke and/or prostate cancer, when they were looking for some serious problems, and then I remembered that too, having taken copious notes for him that day. And (just a note) Dr. Ward has been very ill with a serious staph infection in his leg after surgery I believe (?) and was in the hospital for six months! So we didn't see him in Utah.

Beverly called today and we had a talk about all the new information as well as what they are up to. Helena sent a draft of her interview of me and I found some corrections and sent it back to her this morning. Worked on the emails that have come in. Got a set of the copies into envelopes and addressed to go to Deb and Bev. Each thing I get done makes "having the affairs in order" closer to being done. I finished up the small pastel painting of the old store at Boulder. Believe me its nothing special, but that's as good as this one is going to get.

Friday April

Elk Migration

I've done something a little different with this photo. It is a panorama made from four photos put together but instead of making it as small as possible I left it quite big, and if you click on it you should be able to see the elk better in your browser. I'm looking for comments as to whether you like this, or if three or four similar but different photos posted separately would be better to see this. Sorry not to have better pictures to share of such a stunning experience. This doesn't show them going further, high up and over the mountain. If you'll notice there are several probably ancient game trails that you can pick out.

Today Gina and I drove to Jackson for my appointment with Dr. Ward from the Huntsman Clinic. We had such a great day going together. I started off here about 6:45, just before the sun came up. There was enough breeze to make the 14 degrees feel pretty chilly. Doc was feeding his cows, and they were all aligned along their feed ground with their little calves close by when I drove out.

As I turned through the cattle guard and headed toward the mailbox I looked back toward the ranch just as the sun washed the front of the house with a warm glow against the still dark background of the hills and fields. It was so beautiful and I sure had a feeling of "homesickness" tugging at my heart knowing the days for seeing that scene are dwindling. I've always hated to leave home on a trip, regardless of how I love to travel and see new country, and this was similar to that except more so. Such a strong feeling of that being our special home for so many years, now the place that has always enfolded us and kept us safe and warm. I've lived at this house longer than any other place in my life, and surely loved it more than any other.

It was just about then that I had - I won't say a voice speaking - but certainly close to that in a strong thought that we were going to have a very special experience today. And I thought back, I would enjoy that so much.

Lots of deer, birds and hawks along the way, some antelope, the multitude of herons on their bulky stick nests in the aspens and cottonwoods on Boulder Creek. I got to Gina's within the hour. We picked up Kay's artwork at her house to take to the Gallery, and on past Rookies.

A ways up the road where that big gravel pit is there was a herd of all buck antelope trailing across the sagebrush. They usually get kicked out this time of year when its time for the does to have their kids. I guess somewhere over 50 of them, but the long line of them traveling along was so beautiful. We should have stopped for pictures and I regret not doing that but we were past them almost before realizing what a gorgeous sight it truly was. Well, if that had been the special experience it would have been wonderful, but it wasn't.

The snow through the valley and over the Rim was a whole lot less than 10 days ago when I last went. Many areas are becoming bare. Still deep snow in Bondurant but a noticeably diminished there too. We got to about where we often see the mountain sheep and didn't see any. Gina was having to watch because I was driving. In a few minutes she said there are some elk. I thought, "oh, a little bunch of elk", I said "oh that's nice" or something to that effect. She said again, "There are a bunch of elk". "How many?" She said, "A lot. It's a big bunch". Thinking we were already way past them, I said, "shall we stop?" and then I got the idea that YES she wanted to stop. We pulled off the road and she said, "I think its the whole feed ground". Even then we still didn't know how many there actually were.

As we got out of the SUV we could hear the yearlings chirping and whistling. We climbed up the small hill at the side of the road that was obscuring the view and OMG(osh), there were 6oo or 700 - or more - (?) elk strung out in lines from about a quarter of a mile above us for two or three miles, as far as we could see. They were trailing behind one another and had split along several trails, one up the gulch and another along the side hill under some of the cliffs. The ones in back were bunched together not far from us. Gina said the light buckskin colored ones in the back were the bulls. The three files came together again further up the mountain, and they just kept going on up and up climbing into the distant peaks where the sun was glowing off the snow at the ridge top. It was as if they were traveling into the light and disappearing into the glow and the distance.

We took pictures but I knew my little camera zoom would not do this justice. And usually I take more pictures, but only got seven this time. I also didn't get any higher up the mountain where they were going over the top - not sure why not except that it was so far away I knew it wouldn't show much. Wish I had now. Gina had a better zoom on hers and got great photos of some of the closest elk. I bet you can go to her blog http://www.horseback41.blogspot.com/ and she will have some better photos than mine.

Well, That had to have been the special experience, and as we turned back to the car I told Gina about the thought that had come to me this morning. I was certainly grateful to have seen such a sight, and good for Gina for spotting them.

Since its getting late and its been a long day, I will put a couple of the elk photos and continue the rest of today on tomorrows blog. I'll let you know then what the doctor said. He spent an hour with us. I had taken 4 typed pages of questions and he answered all of them.

Thursday April 24 2008

Plastered Windows

Front Porch with 5" New Snow

Raking on Hold

Backyard Blizzard

Yippee - It's Snowing!

This morning woke up to a raging blizzard and about 5 inches or so of new snow. It's warm enough that it's melting though. It hadn't done anything at 4 a.m. when I was up. It was mild and calm then so was expecting a nice day and maybe a walk. Anyway now the sun is shining and the snow is melting pretty fast. I felt sorry for the little calves and other baby animals out in the weather, but it will make them strong.

Here's some good news --- Clayton is being advanced to Life Scout and earned one of his Citizenship and the Communications badges. He just has 5 required badges left and he will be ready to work on his Eagle project. He may be done by this summer. That means he could be an Eagle Scout by age 14!!! He has to plan a Family Project for his Family Life badge, so Beverly told him that he could be in charge of the Mother's Day/Family Night Activity. He says he's going to plan something really special for all us mothers and he is calling his cousins. Hmmmm, wonder what it is? She was going to have everyone bring Mexican potluck, so now Clayton says he is making the tacos. That will be a real treat. Clayton has been doing his first school research paper. He's even typed it.

Had a nice visit with Ruth on the phone yesterday afternoon. All the artists are getting ready to go to the Wyoming Artists Association State Convention this weekend. Everyone always has a great time, with events, art shows and workshops. I won't be going since I have to go to the doctor appointment.

No news to speak of here. Tomorrow Gina and I will drive to Jackson for my appointment. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Wednesday April 23 2008

Such Disappointment

Biggest Herd of Deer I Ever Saw

and I Get Raindrops

Another Small Bunch of Deer in the Hoback Canyon

Today Helena came over about 10 a.m.. I've known Helena for a long time now and she is one of my most favorite people. We are in Sublette County Artists (writers) Guild together. She lives in Big Piney. She wanted to do one of her Pioneer Couple interviews with us for the Roundup, but Joe didn't want to be interviewed. So she asked if she could interview me. I said yes. We both tried to get him to tell some of his story, but he stuck to his guns about not getting interviewed. We even told him lots of the guys had done it, but he stayed staunch in his decision. Helena was able to ask Joe some questions about some of the old places around here, and he talked with her about that.

Helena has been working on gathering information on the Sublette County original homesteads for the County History board for a couple of years now. We had fun looking at maps for a while, and some of the photos and interviews from old timers that I have, especially about the Boulters who originally homesteaded our place. By then it was time to get lunch in the oven. We had a Hot Chopstick Salad (which I thought was appropriate because LaRee Cowley, my long time neighbor down the road gave me that recipe - they were pioneers) with Alpenglow Frozen Cranberry Salad, Banana Crunch muffins, sliced tomatoes, and Helena brought a heavenly chocolate layered refrigerator dessert - and such a crust it had - perfection - yum!

After lunch she got started interviewing me. She typed it into a battery powered computer compatible word processing machine about the size orf a keyboard. I know some of you are going to be asking what it was. She told me and I can't remember the name of it, but it will download into her computer when she gets home. And the interview also went onto tape. The tape and a written copy will also go to the Museum of the Mountain Man. It took us a couple of hours. When she has it written up she will send me a copy to look at, and then it will go into the paper. I had hoped that you would be able to click on a link in pinedaleonline to read it, but she said they weren't putting her stories on pinedaleonline right now. But they used to. So we had an enjoyable day.

Remember back on Monday the 14th I had a photo of the deer migration on the blog and told about seeing about 300 deer going down the highway near Silver Creek. Some of you have asked to see the photos of all the deer. I had explained that all I got was water drops on the windshield, but thought I'd show you what they looked like. I was so disappointed, and now you can understand why. I have about 25 other photos just like this. They went on like that further than I could see. Sad, huh? I was trying to be polite and not freak them all out by getting out of the car.

Betty has really been enjoying her new camera and sending great pictures and descriptions to some of us of her place, Plumnilly, near Mesquite. I've really enjoyed seeing all the variety of subjects she gets. She says she's having a lot of fun with the camera. And years ago she was probably the main one who influenced me to get into take more photos. So I could blame my 70,000 slides on her, couldn't I?

Maxine's bearded collie, Sharpa (means beard in Basque), had five little puppies last Friday. She was bred with Pete's bearded collie austrailian mix male. They make great sheep dogs. I hope I get to see them babies before they get too old.

This morning started off very nice, warmish and calm. Later in the day the wind was blowing all the moisture out of the whole country, including dust devils down the road. So I don't even want to talk about it.

Tuesday April 22 2008

You've been asking about the new saddle and to put in the photos, so here they are. I ordered a new lightweight saddle from Tom some years back and he has such a long waiting list that it was just finished a few weeks ago. I had given up getting it, under the circumstances, and it was a big surprise when Joe brought it home. It is quite a beauty, and Tom creates a real work of art in anything he makes. It is signed, dated and numbered..... No. 128 made on 2/08. (See the circle below the brand.) Still to come is a matching breast collar. Thank you so much, Tom.

The center photo shows our Rafter M brand on the back of the cantle. And the third photo is a closeup of the basketweave tooling. I had told him not to put much tooling on it, but Joe had him put a little to keep the leather from curling. The blanket is hand loomed wool from one of my trips to the Navajo reservation years ago. The rope is mine, although I've never roped anything with it. It is braided rawhide and was made at the Federal Penitentary at Rawlins WY. Wish I remembered the man's name who made it, but I don't. It would be an antique by now. The inmates made a lot of leather and horsehair crafts and horse equipment while they were in the pen. I traded it for some artwork to one of our wranglers who worked for us at the Lodge.

Maybe I can take a ride on the saddle this summer.

Monday April 21 2008

Garage Near Wilson

Great Artwork!

(Click it)

A glimpse of the Tetons near Wilson

The first "look" we've gotten of them all winter.

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We went to town this morning. Pinedale had a skiff of snow when we got there and the wind was very cold. It was breezy all day. It was about 10 degrees this morning. Joe asked last night if I wanted to go and I said o.k. I think his eyes are bothering him, and he wants me to drive. Let him off at the Clinic. He had to get his protime checked. That was good. And while he was there I got about 5 things at the store. Perused the aisles again trying to find where they are hiding everything now. Bath soap was very obscure, but they have it with the toiletries instead of the cleaners and soaps.

Early before we left home, I called the gal at the Sublette Retirement Center, her name is Lynn too, and she got me in for a haircut. She is so quick, bet I wasn't in there 10 minutes. She cuts it short the way I like it. It costs a lot less there too. Now my head is kind of cold so I'm wearing that soft knit hat I got at chemo. I kind of look like an old grandma. Joe has turned the heat down a little. I just put on another sweat shirt, but the head got cold.

I took a nap this afternoon. Hardly slept last night so should do better with that tonight. We had lunch at the Patio. Tonight I made some potato soup with sourdough garlic toast. It was good .....and hot. Also spent several hours sorting and filing most of the photos I've taken the last 3 or 4 months. They get unmanageable unless I get them into the files where I can find them easier. So I went to find a photo for the blog and got really sidetracked and forgot to write until 10 p.m.

I saw what I believed were some willets yesterday doing their spiral looping displays above the still snowy fields in back. Their wings flashing in the sunlight is what caught my eye. Love to watch the willets all summer. And the red tailed hawks were slowly soaring right by the studio windows, hanging on the wind. Such a good look at them from below. Hope they don't find any cats. We've had the most awesome deep golden yellow full moon rising for the last several nights. It's hard not to just turn out the lights and watch it hanging there like a huge Japanese lantern.

The photos today are from our trip to Jackson last week. If we get a nice day I'm going to try to get some baby calf pictures before they get much older. Another thing I want to do is get the ATV started up and take the dogs for a ride.

Sunday April 20 2008

April Full Moon Above the Field

Friday evening coming home I saw a lovely picture - a blue heron at a small falls on the East Fork River. It would have made a good photo. The ospreys are back on their nests between Boulder and Pinedale. Also all the herons are at their big rookery on Boulder Creek.

Saturday worked on the emails, and ended up spending quite a few hours on The Book again. Excavating the memories out of the past is not an easy thing any more.

Also I shopped online for some more clothes. Its hard to know the sizes anymore after loosing a little weight , so I ordered what I want and will expect to send some things back if they don't fit. I tried to pick nice things, lightweight for traveling and cute, even though it might cost more than I usually spend. I shop at KMart a lot!

High School friends, Betty from Mesquite and Nancy from Coos Bay Oregon are going to be here for a visit on May 11. I'm looking forward to them getting here for a visit in about 3 weeks. They will stay about five nights.

All week the prediction is for a chance of rain or snow. We can always use the moisture. It snowed early this morning, then cleared up, then terrible black clouds galloped over and winds so wild the power was off for a while. I want to guess gusts of 50 mph. It was almost 60 degrees yesterday and is 33 degrees this afternoon.

Below is a link to check out the air quality at the oilfields south of Pinedale. It updates every 15 minutes, so you can also check on the progress of that drill rig in the foreground as time goes by.

http://www.wyvisnet.com/enca1/index.html