It was a grey and dreary day:
Yesterday we (Bonnie, Joe, the boys and me) went to Jackson for my appointment with Dr. Ward. Bonnie drove us in our car. I was very glad of that because although I started off feeling fine, before we got up there I was woozy and nauseous, and don't know why. It lasted until into the night.
It was supposed to be snowing, but was cloudy although good weather and dry roads except for the usual parts through Bondurant and the Hoback. The temperature got up to 37 at least, so when there were some snow flurries at mid-day they didn't stick on the road for long. Part of the time, it wanted to clear up and we could see a little blue sky.
We walked the dogs at the fairgrounds. At Oncology they got Joe and me in to see Dr. Ward pretty quickly. And it's very good news!! He said ..... They will give me another CT scan on Monday. If it is still stable, as in the tumors have stayed the same and not grown, I can have three months off from taking chemo. That will depend on not finding any lumps or that I don't get to feeling worse during that time. So Monday I go back up to get the scan. Alex sent me home with the berry-licious ct drink. Lisa flushed the picc line. Also if I get a break for three months, they will take the picc line out and I won't have to deal with that daily. They would put it back in again later. Another of our Pinedale friends with long time cancer also received good news too while we were there, and I'm so glad for them.
Well ... as soon as I left Oncology after hearing what Dr. Ward told me, and even during our visit, I realized I was having strange "denial" issues about being able to quit chemo for a while. How can this be?? I've been a year and a half convincing myself that I'm going to die pretty soon. Even though I didn't believe that either. And do know that still could happen anytime. And that I would be taking chemo from now on. It was a very weird feeling. I know I said "wonderful" several times, and celebrated with the angel nurses. Even telling Bonnie as soon as I came out of the appointment it seemed unreal. We should have been dancing around the waiting room. Walking on cloud nine. Instead I felt a sense of betrayal. Where was the joy? I considered the strangeness of it on the way home, while I was doing the laundry, and every time I woke up in the night. It's only a little better this morning. Need to have a reality check. Maybe the reality is that it is still a very serious situation. Dr. Ward also o.k.d the possible trip to Atlanta to visit the Thomas cousins there toward the end of April. So that is something to look forward to. Joe even seems to already be thinking positive about me going. He asked how long I'd be gone.
I just want to thank you all again for the special blessings (especially Brent and Cheyenne), and for all the thoughts and prayers that have continually come my way. It has been like holy light and confetti with all the good thoughts written on each piece cascading down upon me all these months. Certainly the presence of our Heavenly Father and his Son and the Holy Spirit has been with me all this time and I'm so grateful to be able to have experienced that. (They've been with me my whole life though.) My friends and family have been steadfastly with me too. Thank you all. And thank you for listening. It's been good to write this down to acknowledge it.
We had lunch at the Virginian then shopped at Walmart. Spaced out looking at the vacuums there. Bought Joe some bath towels. He hates the brown ones we got him because they bleed the dye. I asked him what he wanted and he said "yellow".
I got as much as I could of various things to treat the sinus problem that Dr. Kappenman listed. Got a small sized humidifier, but haven't set it up yet. One prescription is a mixture of glycerin, and saline water that none of the drug stores want to do because its not in their computer. Dr. K said they would tell me that, but that they should be able to make it. Ridley's wouldn't even consider it. KMart either. I ended up at Stone Drug where the guy there said he would be glad to do it but he thought that was too much glycerin - it would clog up in my nose - and tried to sell me an OTC spray with 1% glycerin in it. I said its not a spray, its a rinse. He said at least $40 for a pint due to having to program the computer for making it. And it would take almost an hour we would wait for it. At that point in the day I was really pooping out and not feeling great so I just said I'd think about it and be back Monday, not that I'll feel better then after the scan. The point is Dr. K. wants me to use it. I'm wondering now what if I ask if I can buy the glycerine and the saline solution and put it in a bottle and shake it up myself, how much would that cost? Bonnie brought me a neti pot with a supply of the saline rinse (for cleansing the sinuses and nasal passages). So don't have to shop for that. She is so thoughtful.
Home by 4-ish. It was wonderful of Bonnie to have gone along. Thanks again Bonnie. I got into my pjs and soon gave Joe some leftovers for dinner. I couldn't eat and meant to lay down right away but unloaded the things I'd bought, and did three loads of laundry. Actually the last of the laundry was folded in the middle of the night after I'd had a couple of naps. But its done. And Joe has yellow towels in his bathroom.
